I say I’ve been watching disassociatively because I’ve been
trying to avoid seeing this stuff. The
events themselves bother me, and the non-stop 24 hour round-the-clock coverage
of such events and their aftermath disgusts me.
People just can’t get enough of it, and I find this growing
preponderance very disturbing. But I do
watch the news every now and then, so the winding down of the court cases has
been bumping the coverage back up. And
the one thing that keeps running through my head is this: where the hell are the parents in these
ordeals?
How did these kids get the idea that these actions are okay? One actively studies mass murders, and no
parent is there to question why? Two
others decide that, not only is rape okay, but it’s perfectly acceptable to
photograph and video record it – AND then post it online? How did they acquire this attitude? Where are the parents? And where are Lane’s parents? Their kid kills students, and then taunts
their families in court? At what point
did they stop giving a damn about their kid?
I was the oldest child in our house, so my parents knew very
little about what to do with me when I turned obnoxious – ahem – became a
teenager. Everything I did was a lesson
for them in learning how to prevent my brothers from doing the same thing. And when they reached a point of not knowing what
to do with me anymore, they admitted me to a facility for kids with family
problems. I hated them for it, but in
hind sight, I know they were worried and thought experts could succeed where
they felt they had failed. They were
wrong – well, not entirely. There wasn’t
anything “wrong” with me – I was just an asshole who was way too smart for his
own good. So putting me in this place at
least kept me out of trouble for the most part.
I was only there for a few months (the psychologist in charge of my case
was fed up with me), but less than a year later, I was out of the house for
good.
My point here is this:
my parents may not have known how to handle me, but they never stopped
trying. And most of the things I did, my
brothers weren’t allowed to get away with as they grew up. Each kid brings his/her own set of problems,
naturally, so some things will always be new to Mom and Dad. But the point is to keep trying. The lessons don’t go away just because the
kid isolates him/herself. And it seems
like that’s what has happened to parents of the younger generations. Kids are smarter and more independent earlier
in life, and at some point the parents leave them to their own devices. DON’T.
The law may have gotten in the way of disciplining children (to our
disservice), but never stop teaching them right from wrong. At my worst, there were just things I would
never do – I knew better. And when I stopped
being an angry asshole (after I moved out of the house and only had myself to
answer to), I decided to not fight with anyone ever again – wasn’t worth
it. I resolved to never get angry about things
that just don’t matter in the grand scheme of life – it’s just not worth it. All my parents’ lessons stuck, even if I
stopped caring about them for a while.
And I’ve only gotten angry a handful of times in the last 25 years. I don’t think people truly understand how
freeing it is to CHOOSE to let things roll off your shoulders, not get mad
about stuff that happens (especially when anger doesn’t solve anything – the problem
still exists and has to be dealt with, but now you’ve taken yourself to a bad
place you have to recover from, which drags out the process), even if anger
would be justified. You simply take each
problem and try to solve it. Blow off
steam if you have to – just not at your kids.
Isolating yourself from your
children is not the answer. It’s about
preserving your own peace. And your kids
will grow to replicate THAT behavior as well.
