At first I laughed - hard. I thought it was hilarious. Tommy Jordan, a furious parent who sounds pretty well reasoned and adjusted otherwise, had had enough. His 15-year old daughter had posted a Facebook rant, essentially smacking her parents in the mouth by putting her slavery-riddled foot down. Done she was, doing chores, being their maid - unless, of course, her father (who had been pushing her to get a part-time job) wanted to pay her for her labor. And they should definitely NOT count on her for help of any kind in their old age.
So, Massa Dad decided she needed to be put on notice. He set up a video camera, printed out her rant, took a seat with a cigarette (which he probably needed, as he had to pause more than once to compose himself), and regaled his daughter's prose for the world to hear. As, according to Tommy, she had done something similar to this once before - and had been warned against doing anything of the sort again - a hard lesson about who's really in charge of life, until you're old enough to take care of yourself, was warranted. So Tommy pulled out his .45 caliber handgun, aimed the camera at her laptop computer, and plugged it with nine hollow point rounds - which he expected to be reimbursed for. He then posted the video to his Facebook wall (hers too), and then posted it on YouTube, with a link to his page. He went viral within hours. The video was at over 23 million YouTube hits in less than three days. Most parents out there were ready to start a rally for the guy, so enamoured they were with his chutzpah and having the brass to do what they wished they could with their unruly kids. He also had his share of critics, implying he was being as immature as his child.
I honestly laughed really hard at this as I watched it. And then I went back and watched it again... and again. Something about it was sticking in my craw, and I couldn't quite put a finger on it. The third time, it hit me. It was subtle, because he was exhibiting a very matter of fact posture and attitude, but it was there: the look he had on his face - I had seen it before. Pain. This guy was outing his daughter's attitude towards HIM - what she thought of him - and if you paid close enough attention, you could tell he was trying really hard not to cry.
I should add that I don't have children, so don't take anything I am commenting on here as telling anyone how to parent. While I have attitudes on how I think I would handle things, I am in no position to judge anyone else's parenting. But I was that 15-year old. Only I was worse. I wasn't cowardly enough to rant my attitude towards my parents to friends. I insulted them right to their face, many, many times. Not always about the same things, but my general attitude towards them was consistent. I was smarter than them - they knew it, I knew it, and I was done being told what to do. The look on Tommy Jordan's face I had seen many times on my father's. So hurt and frustrated, you just want to run through plate glass without a helmet, because that might hurt less. And though he would never do it, you just know somewhere deep down is that little tinge in the medulla oblongata that makes one want to hurt the kid for being such a prick, knowing he probably deserves a good ass-kicking. I have no doubt in my mind that my father many times had to fight the urge to punch me in the face. And I was the toughest for my parents to deal with, because I was the oldest - they had no clue how to handle me. My younger brothers will attest that the confusion was gone by the time they started pulling similar things.
My attitude ended with me having to move out of the house with a couple of years left of high school. And I resolved to not fight anymore with anyone, about anything, if I could avoid it. The nice thing about being on your own is not having to care what anyone thinks of you anymore. You're responsible only to yourself, which is a very liberating feeling. But it tore my parents up. Between me and my middle brother, I honestly don't know how my parents marriage survived it - call it testicular fortitude. A beacon for married couples out there who want an example of how to make it through crisis after crisis, and come out the other end stronger together than when you started... damn amazing, really.
So I saw that look in Tommy Jordan's face, and I was no longer laughing. Because this is what his daughter had driven him to. Part of me wishes he hadn't gone so far with the gun. I have read that Child Protective Services has been out to his house - and why wouldn't they? This guy just showed the world he was driven to violence with a handgun, even if it was no where near another human being, and only exhibited on a computer. Look at the position he put himself in now. I admire him for taking his hurt and anger out in a benign way, while still making his point to his kid. But could anyone be forgiven (including the daughter) for thinking that Dad really wanted to shoot her, and simply settled on the laptop instead? For the record, I don't think he felt that way - but I understand how someone could worry that he did.
I understand why some people think he reacted immaturely. But, having been the instigator myself, I know first hand the state of mind a parent is driven to. And lacking any other way to release that feeling, Tommy Jordan did the only thing he could that wouldn't hurt anyone else, and still make his feelings known. In a world where we see increased occurrences of child abuse and anger gone wrong, that's probably the most mature thing I've seen a parent do.
And I apologize to my own parents, who I know identify with those exact feelings, thanks to me.
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